International lessons in Friendship
If home is where the heart is, what happens when your friends leave? For many students at international schools, friendship becomes a cycle of arrivals, departures, and long-distance calls. Through conversations with students and teachers at The British School in the Netherlands (BSN) and beyond, I discovered that these goodbyes are both more frequent and more formative than I ever imagined. How does constant fluctuation shape the way young people learn to love, to part, and to begin again? And what does this reveal about friendship itself?
By Greta Morgan-Foster
Every student that I spoke to at the BSN had at least one story of someone leaving. The rhythm of suitcase wheels on pavement and the sometimes-ensuing-silence are sounds that feel both familiar and inevitable. Across interviews, students all shared the same wistful smile.
Lucrezia recalled the sleepover before her best friend left, reflecting that, “now, every time [she’s] near her old neighbourhood it’s like something strikes [her].” Meanwhile, Latisha expressed that “it’s hard to talk about just one memorable goodbye. There have been so many last days of school when [she’s] thought, ‘wow, I’ll never see this person again.’”
Saying goodbye
The act of repeatedly saying goodbye seems to have become its own kind of education. Many students spoke about how the impermanence taught them how much effort is necessary to maintain friendships beyond school. Maja said that “to maintain friendships past school, you need to consciously remind yourself to contact them. Otherwise, you will naturally drift apart.”
Teachers silently observe as these new roots are formed and reformed. Ms. Kodische, a French teacher at the BSN, stated that although “people at our school are always welcomed,” this constant change can be “very daunting for teenagers.” However, she believes that it cultivates empathy and enriches identity.
Elementary school
Students elsewhere highlighted contrasts. Lucy, a student in Boston, Massachusetts, said that she “only know[s] one person who moved away” and is “still friends with most of the people that [she] was friends with in elementary school.” She values stability but wishes that her school had more variety as it can “begin to feel suffocating.”
Ryan, who has attended both an international and a traditional school (both in the U.K.) reflected that in the international school, “the ability to meet new people came at the cost of losing others and sometimes being all alone.” When asked about his preference, he noted that the stability is more comforting but can also feel confining.
Deep nostalgia
As someone who grew up in an international school, this article motivated me to ask my own scattered friends more about their experiences. Mariam, who left the BSN for Pakistan three years ago, said, “no one can understand the deep nostalgia you get from leaving unless they’ve lived it.” Sanika, who moved to India last year, reflected that she “[doesn’t] doubt that [she] will be friends with [me] forever, but [she] knows that it will never be the same.” Distance distils friendship and tells you how much you really value it. It presses it into flowers that, although no longer full of the same life, remain beautiful.
Courage and determination
Ultimately, international schools are not better or worse than their more traditional counterparts. However, they teach us a valuable lesson about the persistence of young people today. In a world that often underestimates adolescents, these stories reveal the courage, resilience, and determination of young people holding onto what matters most.
